Here we are in our second week of the school year...I have had these ideas for this post swirling around in my head for the past several days with no idea how to get them out...
Back to school time for a highly sensitive mama with a couple of highly sensitive kids is an adventure for sure. My oldest has started second grade, and this sweet shy boy who cried every day for the first half of his first grade year now describes school as "amazing" and has told me that I don't need to wave at the bus as he rides away. Could you hear my big sigh there? Part melancholy, part relief...and not ashamed to admit I followed the bus the first few days.
My second son, my little creative superstar, started kindergarten and while he seems to not mind the actual time at school, the morning separation has been rough. He was so excited to take the bus the first day you would have thought it was headed to Hogwarts. But when he realized that taking the bus meant that I would not be there, he froze. This has been a source of anxiety for him so I am driving him for the time being. This helps...a little...but kindergarten is such a big transition year that we still have a few tears as we say goodbye. Yesterday when I picked him up at the end of the day he came out BEAMING! His teacher told me he had read aloud to the class! I was proud, he was proud...it was a good day. We need many many more good days...
And the twins...my little baby twinnies...have started preschool. It is only twice a week for two hours but for them, it is huge. It was a leap of faith to start them in the program as I am still nervous about how their speech delay will manifest...or not. Today was their first day there without me. My little guy sobbed his way into the classroom while his sister confidently took his hand and led the way. I walked past the outside windows hearing him cry and could not hold back the tears myself.
This time of year has always been my favorite. I love everything about autumn, including that this season I will celebrate my 39th birthday. The seasonal transition so closely mirrors what is going on in my family right now...letting go of old ways and embracing new, being brave with the unknown and finding comfort in the warmth of our love for one another.
So this brings me to the idea of being brave. Hannah Marcotti wrote this gorgeous piece last week. Several bloggers that I follow have taken up this prompt as well, and it seemed time to add a few of my own:
Being brave is admitting that being a mama is damn hard. Like really, intensely hard.
Being brave is leading the way with how I handle my own emotions so my children can feel confident in expressing their own.
Being brave is standing at the bus stop smiling when it is taking everything in me to not follow right behind that bus!
Being brave is telling my kindergartener how much I love him and to have a great day and then letting go of his hand as he begins his own new adventure...
Being brave is admitting to myself that while I rock as a mama of preschoolers, I still have a lot to learn about parenting school-aged kids. A lifelong journey indeed!
Being brave is looking within and recognizing that I need to step up my own self-care.
Today is a beautiful Michigan late-summer day. The sky is a clear deep blue and the weather is cool enough for a light jacket. The tomatoes in my garden are still ripening. The twins and I took a nice walk after school and I was able to really enjoy being with just the two of them...something that has not happened since they were born. I look forward to having more time with them at home and getting to know them in a new way. I am looking forward to many lunch picnics on the living room floor listening to Dan Zanes. I am looking forward to picking up my big boys from school later this afternoon and hearing about the day. I am looking forward to this new adventure in being brave.